Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Feeling Low, Flying High

There are points in everyone’s lives when we wish we had an angel looking over us. Highs and lows are a normal part of the daily cycles but when depression takes a hold it can seem relentless.  This is for everyone who has struggled with their inner demons.  

Rachelle would seem to have it all: a loving mother, the glamorous looks of a young lady already modeling at 14, good health. Yet that is only what we might see from the outside.

Rachelle says:  my tattoo of angel wings represent many things... liberty, independence, growth.

There was a point in my life when I was so very unhappy. I cried myself to sleep every night.  I felt alone and unwanted.  Especially in high school I found life very hard. I was so self-conscious. When I looked in the mirror and just saw a face filled with acne. I felt the boys didn’t want to talk to me, and girls were especially catty with me. Studying in my 2nd language, I spoke with an accent, making me standout even more. At times I was also openly bullied.  In my eyes, life was unbearable and I had no self-esteem. I lived in fear of being asked to do anything in the front of my class mates.

This depressive state lasted for many years and it carried over into my home life. While I try to keep a smile on my face and be independent I was often sad and empty. I entered into a long term relationship and it started to go very bad when I felt I could not get the attention and support I craved. After two years, we were always fighting and I’d find myself even more alone.

At some point I realized that my negativity and hollow existence was leading nowhere. I did  not recognize myself. Where was that fun and smiley girl I had once been before high school.  I needed to get a hold of myself and change my outlook. I started to change my friends, hanging out with people who were successful and filled with ambition. If someone was a poor influence I’d avoid them. I also found the strength to leave bad relationships, and move on rather than just lament my current reality.  

I truly believe that I’ve learned a lot - both on my own but also from many others. I am very proud of my mom raising me as a single parent and going back to college at the same time. That was a powerful example. Today, I am very proud of what I have achieved in life. I feel I’ve learned so much but also realize I’m still learning. My wings represent all of this... liberty independence growth.

I’m still growing, ready to achieve more in life, and fly even higher.