Looks can be Deceiving

It’s all too easy to judge a book by its cover.  So when we see someone who is beautiful and radiant it is hard to picture them with inner demons, hardships and internal struggles.  Today’s tattoo tale shares one lady’s personal challenges and reminds us not all disabilities are visible.

Oceane, was not off to a great start in life.  As an infant her mother would beat her and her father had his own challenges and could not care for her.  Emotionally and physically neglected she was finally adopted at the age of 4, when her grand-parents intervened and legally adopted her.   

The “Mami & Papi” tattoo on her wrist is a tribute to the couple that raised her while also helping to cover up the slashing and self-abuse she inflicted on herself later in life. You see her troubles were not over.  

As Oceane started school and socializing with friends, she realized she was different.  She had a learning disability and school was extremely hard.  Kids made fun of her and she endured constant humiliation and intimidation. 

No matter how hard she tried focusing, learning was a constant struggle. She could not concentrate. Reading and memorizing were next to impossible. She kept trying to keep pace but she only fell further behind.  Once diagnosed with severe Attention Deficit Disorder she at least started to understand what was happening to her.  Medication and coping techniques were an aid but life was still a constant struggle. 

What kept her going is hard to say. Somehow she found strength to keep trying. She says: I just had to believe in myself.  She somehow felt that if one truly believes in themselves then no matter the obstacles you can and will succeed.  The words “Believe in yourself” tattooed on her other wrist are a constant reminder to never give up.  So when the traditional school system failed, she found another way. 

She enrolled in an Adult high school.  

Here she found a more accepting peer group. People with jobs and families, other priorities and challenges; they were all working like her, the best they could to complete their education. 

This school format had more flexibility and allowed students to learn at a pace each individual could sustain. Her adoptive parents had initially viewed this as an admission of failure. Adult high schools were for the drop-outs, and has-beens. But to Oceane it was her way of getting up again; and get up she did  - finally completing her high school diploma and coming to terms with who she was and where she wanted to go. 

She added an amazing tattoo on her ribs that translates to:  The one who falls and rises again, is so much stronger than the one who has never fallen.

This seems to summarize her philosophy and journey. 

Today Oceane still struggles but she draws strength from her accomplishments and doesn’t let challenges or obstacles stand in her way. 

She applied to college with her newly acquired diploma and was accepted.  So she is now willingly embarking on a new chapter and is prepared to conquer the new hurdles ahead.

Religious Devotion

Some tattoos are about transformation, personal milestones, or memorials. This one is about inspiration and deeply held beliefs.

Chris literally wears his heart on his sleeve and his heart belongs to god.
A devoutly religious man, Chris had a sleeve designed to signify his deeply held convictions.  

His entire sleeve is a reminder God’s love and our struggles though life. At the top is a dove with olive that symbolizes peace. The dove is important because the devil and temptation comes in many forms. The devil is tricky and can impersonate any animal, except a dove; so the dove and his religious helps keep Chris safe.

The stone cross and rose ties were designed by Chris.  They convey the love of Jesus and the dove is landing on cross, a reminder to avoid temptation.

Then tip of Mount Everest is the backdrop for cross and dove. The journey through life is like climbing a mountain. There are many obstacles to overcome as you climb but when you reach top, you are with god.  

Other details are a link to his dad who was into Tia Chi and martial arts. Chris, born in year of the tiger relates to the personality and published significance of the tiger.  

Finally he has a reference to Psalm 27 (The Lord is my light …). This vital passage was of special significance to Chris during time of family turmoil.  It says you need the strength to meet challenges. The tattoo also includes elements that symbolize love and has clouds to complete the mountain and dove.  

Together they deliver a powerful message of love and dedication, as well as a constant reminder of life’s challenges. 

My Familiar

AmansCatti  loosely translated from Latin means Cat Lover. She admits not everyone understands or even believes in witchcraft.  In her experience however, even if we don’t fully understand something, we can benefit from it.  Her numerous cat-based tattoos are a tribute to her first pet, who acted as a “familiar”.

AmansCatti writes: 

I had my first cat at 6 years old and he was with me for 18 years. I have a portrait of this lovely Siamese on my arm as a memory of his eternal bond, and a "My First Love" dedication on my back.

He was much more than a pet. We really shared a spiritual bond.  

My family moved around a lot and my cat was the one constant in my life.  As an only child, my cat was like the brother I never had.  Playing dress up, I recall having a wedding gown and wanting to marry my cat.  

He was always with me… as I did mundane tasks like homework or as I suffered through various illnesses and chronic bronchitis.  When I got older he’d help guide my decisions. For instance he’d judge my boyfriends and I could tell by his reaction whom I could trust. 

For others to appreciate this special bond is perhaps challenging.   In Wiken terminology there is the term “A Familiar”.  It has been described as an animal spirit believed to serve a witch or magician, as a domestic servant, spy and companion ... in addition to helping to bewitch enemies or to divine information.   

 I can relate to this, not from a magical sense but from the perspective of a very special and intelligent companion.

There have been others since, but he was very special.  After almost 20 years, I can still feel him walk on me when I’m drifting off to sleep.
It might all sound like too much, but for me this is real. 

Who else has a shrine dedicated to a cat in their home?

 

Feeling Low, Flying High

There are points in everyone’s lives when we wish we had an angel looking over us. Highs and lows are a normal part of the daily cycles but when depression takes a hold it can seem relentless.  This is for everyone who has struggled with their inner demons.  

Rachelle would seem to have it all: a loving mother, the glamorous looks of a young lady already modeling at 14, good health. Yet that is only what we might see from the outside.

Rachelle says:  my tattoo of angel wings represent many things... liberty, independence, growth.

There was a point in my life when I was so very unhappy. I cried myself to sleep every night.  I felt alone and unwanted.  Especially in high school I found life very hard. I was so self-conscious. When I looked in the mirror and just saw a face filled with acne. I felt the boys didn’t want to talk to me, and girls were especially catty with me. Studying in my 2^nd language, I spoke with an accent, making me standout even more. At times I was also openly bullied.  In my eyes, life was unbearable and I had no self-esteem. I lived in fear of being asked to do anything in the front of my class mates.

This depressive state lasted for many years and it carried over into my home life. While I try to keep a smile on my face and be independent I was often sad and empty. I entered into a long term relationship and it started to go very bad when I felt I could not get the attention and support I craved. After two years, we were always fighting and I’d find myself even more alone.

At some point I realized that my negativity and hollow existence was leading nowhere. I did  not recognize myself. Where was that fun and smiley girl I had once been before high school.  I needed to get a hold of myself and change my outlook. I started to change my friends, hanging out with people who were successful and filled with ambition. If someone was a poor influence I’d avoid them. I also found the strength to leave bad relationships, and move on rather than just lament my current reality.  

I truly believe that I’ve learned a lot - both on my own but also from many others. I am very proud of my mom raising me as a single parent and going back to college at the same time. That was a powerful example. Today, I am very proud of what I have achieved in life. I feel I’ve learned so much but also realize I’m still learning. My wings represent all of this... liberty independence growth.

I’m still growing, ready to achieve more in life, and fly even higher. 

The Heart Must Go On

Emily has several tattoos. She is a romantic and a lady of fortitude. When you meet her, an inner strength is immediately conveyed. We also saw in "Death before Dishonour" her deep sense of loyalty. What is not obvious is a life of challenges and hardships. 

She states “I have many tattoos. They all have meaning and are very important to me.  I have no childhood pictures, and I own very little so that are all I really have. Each of my tattoos is for a very special purpose."

Here are two more examples:

Heart on my sleeve – This one was after a miscarriage. The event was especially traumatic since it was brought on by a severe beating. 

This was perhaps the lowest point in my life. I has hurting and felt alone.

I wanted to do some of the tattoo myself and I did.  It felt good to inflict pain… "sometimes you need to feel physical pain just to know are still alive".  

The heart will be broken, but broken lives on

I had these words tattooed on my arm the day after mom died. It is perhaps my most impulsive tattoo. The words are a Lord Byron quote. 

Mother's hold a special place in our hearts. Losing one's mother amplifies our personal mortality. 

It is also however a milestone many face. To cope is hard but as you ponder the event and memories it is when we realize that this is the time to look forward, live on and be the person our mothers would be proud of. 

Losing a child, losing a mother. There are many points in our lives where we feel alone, abandoned and heart broken. This quote often reminds me, I need to keep moving forward. Indeed, though broken, the heart lives on and a new future awaits. 
 

Toxic Relations

My tattoos represent personal strength and growth. If my tattoo tale can inspire even one person to move on from a toxic and abusive relationship then I would be thrilled.

My 1^st bad relationship goes back to my college days, when I was just 18 years old.  I felt locked in a very abusive and controlling relationship. Over a period of 2 years my life was hell, yet I stuck around and we were even secretly engaged. Life however was far from normal.

I could not go to beach wearing a bikini, was never allowed to hang with his male friends, when he travelled he’d come back and demand to know what I did in his absence – always 20 questions. To pass the time I wanted to model but he forbade it. His controlling manner and bad influences lead to a life of drug use.  With the help and support of my family I finally left him 2 ½ year later – I was not quite 20 years old and this already had a profound impact on me, perhaps even setting the stage for relationships to come.

My 2 most prominent tattoos tell this story.
I have them on my back; a huge tree and a dragon.

The dragon was my 1^st tattoo and represents inner strength. It stands on a few Chinese symbols that represent FAMILY.  They were always there to support me; my mom and I are very close. She's my rock. Without her I may well still be trapped or worse. It takes great strength to leave a relationship – even a bad one. The Tree Tattoo was started back then – it represents growth. I knew I needed to kick the drugs and heal my soul, but the process is slow.

Morally bruised I jumped into yet another bad relationship.  I gravitated to a 2^nd fellow and this one was emotionally abusive. For 8 months he not only abused me verbally me but was cheating on me with younger teenager girls.  I gathered my courage once again and left him. 


  

Resolved to try harder,
I got a 3^rd tattoo, this one on my leg reading
– Live Laugh Love.  


I then met a 3^rd fellow who got me even deeper into harder drugs – not just smoking anymore, he added pills to the mix.  He too was abusive and it got very serious.  I was held hostage and beaten while trying to leave him.  

My neighbour heard screaming and called my brother. A bad brawl ensued and my brother suffered stitches on his lip and I ended up with a fractured arm.  If not for him and the 911 call I would have been hospitalised in much worse shape.

I had to press charges on 7 counts. Going to court and retelling the story was very hard and lasted for nearly a year and a half. The hardest part was his constant attempts to try and come back into my life.

My mom helped me through the detox process at her home. We’d take long walks in the bush and she’d help when I was ill. I eventually moved to a new city determined to start fresh.  

The tree tattoo on my back was done in two steps. The bottom of the tree has the start date of my sobriety.  Half the tree is a typical bare skeleton of a truck, sparse, struggling to survive. Just before the move to Ottawa, I added leaves to show growth and progress. I wanted to signify a change for the better. The tree then evolves to birds which signify family (purple: brother, white: dad, blue: mom, red: Michelle; all our birth stones)

Therapy has suggested I wanted to try and FIX these guys. Perhaps my relationships are linked to a father who was present in his own way, but not in the manner a little girl needed. The part that really matters is that like the tree I am maturing and growing. My current relationship is a positive one with an old friend I’ve known since I was 12.  

My self-esteem and health are vastly improving as I branch out, reach for the sky and embrace a new life.