Confessions

We all seek to grow as individuals.
"Ice" has been on a person quest of growth and his tattoos continue to document a personal journey. Like many stories the plot takes many twists and and the road is not always smooth. But progress has to start somewhere. With his confessions made public in the form of tattoos, Ice taken those first critical steps.  
 

He writes:

My tattoos represent a life filled with internal conflicts and inner voices. It’s my personal struggle between good and evil. The left-hand side represents my days with drugs, self-abuse and being in trouble with the law.    

My shoulder has a copy of the spinning map from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean.   Like the map, I had no clear destination for my life, wanted no boundaries and did not wish to be limited in my goals.

In an effort to move forward I started listing my confessions on my back. These things are now literally behind me. I opted to put them in Hebrew, a part of my heritage.  By altering spellings and context it wold be hard for another person to fully decipher my past.  Adding Hebrew tattoos to my body is another dichotomy. It likely means I may never be buried in a Jewish Cemetery.  In so many ways I am working hard and making a break with my past.  

The center skull and wings are part of the past with major milestones, not necessarily good ones represented by the years 2006, 2007 … and a definite line a true break at 2010.
That was it. No more. I needed to change. 

While I wanted the right hand side to visually balance the left, I struggled to find enough positives to match the negatives. In the end my creative talents and desire to create may be my salvation. I started a company and wear the corporate logo on my other right shoulder. The logo like all my tattoos are my own design. It has a star of David, another religious influence, with “all seeing eye” at the center because I have to keep an eye open at all times if I am to be successful in my journey of transformation. There is also lunar magic and an ankh cross coming back to loop family and unity.

My right side is unfinished and has no colour (because this Good side is still new to me, a work in progress) in many ways I’m still a sinner and the transition may never be complete.  
Looking forward I hope to see a day when life is “normal” and I have a family and children.  Not sure when this will happen but I’m so convinced, my future daughter’s name is already tattooed on my arm, her name will be Winter. 

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As a special postscript. He adds: Raven Richards at Bad Kitty Tattoo in Hull is the only person that I will ever trust to touch me with a needle again. So it may be my story in the ink, but that makes her my ghost writer. 

Inspired

Inspiration takes many forms, and sometimes can be a small miracle.

Cass is the type of lady that always does nice things for others. For instance she’d press flowers and then give them away to others on the bus. However, she didn’t treat herself very nice. As outlined in Bondage Girl she struggled with a poor self-image, bad relationships and even drugs. Yet in others she sees good and trusts blindly. Helping out with the 2002 Remembrance Day celebrations Cass thought of the many who had given so much. They suffered the ultimate price. How did she suffer? She started to cut herself with the needle of the poppies they were assembling in school. It seemed like right thing to do – join in the suffering. It turned out to be a distraction. 

The manifestation of pain would blot out her emotional concerns. One cutting episode let to another. Sessions became more intense and she started hiding razors in her bus pass. Like many cutters it can grow into a compulsion and any sharp object can take on an irresistible fascination. (see footnote) Regardless of the instrument, relief is just temporary and the underlying issues remain. Cass lost weight, developed eating disorders, started into drugs and then got pregnant. 

It was the baby she carried that provided the spark of inspiration. How could Cass do for this child what needed to be done if she maintained the life style she had. Always one to do for others, Cass had to care for her baby and that meant no more cutting and turning her life around. The tattoo “inspired …” is on her arm above the many cutting scars. It’s a reminder of where she’s been and the inspiration the helped her make the break. 

2 months after her daughter was born. Cass also had her daughter’s footprint tattooed on her leg. 

A part of her baby will always remain with Cass.  

As she grows, she is an ongoing inspiration to Cass. Sometime she puts her foot over mom’s tattoo and says “Look Mom, look how big I’ve grown”  

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Footnote: Cutting is a form of self-injury -- the person is literally making small cuts on his or her body, usually the arms and legs. It's difficult for many people to understand. Psychologists say “cutting” helps them control their emotional pain. See Cutting and Self-Harm: Warning Signs and Treatment also S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) at http://www.selfinjury.com/ and www.selfinjuryfoundation.org

Bondage Girl

We are often tied down, trapped by our own beliefs, and blinded to the true reality. 

Cass writes: 

My Bondage Girl tattoo is often mistaken for some sexual meaning but to me it is all about being trapped. I drew her when I was only 14 and looked at her every day. 

She reminded me of just how much I felt powerless, tied-down, stuck in my own body.  Bind-folded, she saw no future.  

Facing depression, mental health issues and eating disorders, I weighted only 82 lbs and developed Osteoporosis at 16.

It started started as a child with a gym teaches saying I was too fat to do gymnastics. About the same time I found my in sister’s diet pills. I began to live in my sister’s shadow – stuck in own body – but trying to change to someone else. Reaching out I found myself in a cruel relationship with a much older man, got pregnant and had an abortion.  Life was very hard, I was a mess.  I began doing drugs and started cutting and going further down the road of self-abuse.   

Four years later at 18, tattoo artist Robert Person inked my Bondage Girl onto my arm. 

I was her: Trapped, Tied down.    

Her image was now permanent, 

just like my condition.  

Only a miracle could cut us free.   

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Cass did find her miracle.

That miracle turned out to be her daughter
but that’s a different tattoo story.

The next instalment in Tattoo Tales. 

Saguenay Memories

Tattoo tales is all about the story and less about the intricate artwork. It perhaps should no longer be a surprise, but the profound thought behind so many tattoos is still a constant source of amazement. So when Myna started to describe her ink, it brought a smile to my lips.

She says: 

A profound piece for me is the Rose with bubbles, waves, a sun plus the quote "I'd rather have a single rose..." - I got this one in memory of my great grandmother. She played a huge role in my life and I still miss her every day. My favorite childhood memory was running over to her house, she lived next door, and left out a bowl of candies for us. They were creme de menthe soft candies, and I remember he when I see them nowadays on those green and white wrappers.
She passed away of cancer when I was 14 years old, and before she did, she asked my grandmother to read a poem she had picked out for the funeral. The bubbles (5 of them) represent my family - my parents, two brothers and myself, the waves are representative of Lac St-Jean. I used to spend my summers at my great-grandmother's cottage, located right on the water front there. I still go every year. It is my slice of paradise...

The words are from the poem


*BRING ME ALL YOUR FLOWERS NOW*

I would rather have a single ROSE
from the garden of a friend,
then have the choicest flowers
when my stay on Earth must end.
I would rather have the kindest words
which may now be said to me,
then flattered when my heart is still,
and this life has ceased to be.
I would rather have a loving SMILE
from the friends I know are true,
than tears shed around my casket,
when this world I've bade adieu!
Bring me all your flowers,
whether PINK,or WHITE, or RED.
I'd rather have ONE BLOSSOM now
then a truckload when I'm dead.
Author: R.D. Richards
_______________________________


The blueberries on my left write are a favorite, a symbol of home for me. I grew up in Saguenay Lac-St-Jean and until I turned 8, my backyard was a blueberry field. I will never forget it. We used to spend days out there in the summer, picking blueberries for pies and eating them as we went. It reminds me of home, of my childhood and of course my great grandmother. It is also fitting that "Des bleuets" is a nice nick name for local people of my region.